My Story with Herpes
I’M READY TO BE REAL & END THE STIGMA. It’s time to talk about STD’s & sex ed with a new wave.🍆
*Disclaimer: each persons experience is different. Some may never see an outbreak while others do. This is my experience. I am not a Doctor. I do not have a cure. This is my experience. What worked for me may not work for you & visa versa.💫🖤
Since I’ve been getting into my late 20’s and even deeper into my spiritual journey, I’ve learned that most of our creativity, emotion, trauma is held in our sacral chakra & reproductive organs. BC suppresses us from that connectivity & healing power.🧡
I’ve been on some form of birth control for the better part of 10yrs.👶🏻
At the tender age of 17 I was diagnosed with Herpes Simplex 2. I had had 2 sexual partners at that point.🍆
This was especially mortifying because I had to ask my parents to take me to the Doctor, but before asking them I was in pain for weeks, terrified of the outcome.😥
The Doctor who saw me was especially in compassionate & judgmental. She took one look at me and without looking me in the eyes, she blurted it out, “Yep, that’s herpes.” I instantly broke down in tears, “Can I have children?” was my first ask. I don’t remember what she said, but the correct answer would have been, “Honey, of course you can!” I was a kid. A little empathy would have been nice.💔
To this day I don’t trust or like Doctors much. After years of taking preventative Western meds I became immune and was told I was out of options. That was around 24y/o. I digress.🙅🏼♀️
My Mom was in the waiting room and I came out hysterical. She was in denial about the whole thing even with the official diagnoses. I don’t blame her. With the stereotypes around STD’s & herpes, no parent wants that for their teenage daughter.💅🏼
I got my blood test done. It came back positive. I got the meds and they worked. I didn’t get another break out for several years.✨
Around 23y/o the virus went into hyper-herpe drive and I was experiencing breakouts regularly. The medicine wasn’t working anymore and turns out Vacyclivir is hard on your kidneys.🥜
After my HSV2 came back at 19/20yo Mom & I went to a STD Testing center. They were much more professional & sensitive to the matter.💕
I was given a little more education & the book “The Good News About the Bad News.”💁🏼♀️
I read the book & cried. I found something I could relate to that wasn’t all sad people on internet forums, desperately searching for a cure.💻
My take aways from the book:📖
This virus is EXTREMELY common & says NOTHING about your worth as a human or sexual being. You’re still YOU. You WILL date again. You WILL have sex again.❤️
I have spent a lot of my time trying to find a cure. What I’ve learned is, right now there isn’t one and having some love & compassion for yourself when you’re in pain will go a long way.❤️
By 23/24yo I’m really in it. I’m getting outbreaks every 1-3mon. I seek help & am told by another Doctor that I’ve become immune to Acyclvir & Vacyclivir after using them for so many years and I’m out of options.🤔
So begins my road down supplements, herbs, stress adaptogens, essential oils, obsessing over vitamins, exercise, diets & restrictions.🤯
One morning in particular stands out - I woke up to an outbreak before the last one was healed. I rushed to the kitchen and start swallowing pills & mixing tinctures. I was frantic. I was out of some specific herbs so my partner & I jump in the car. 🚘
Then we had to pull over & I threw it all up.🤮
I think we can agree that I was not remaining calm in this situation. I was completely stressing my body out and it wasn’t helping.😅
It’s hard to hear “Just relax. De-stress.” When you’re in the thick of it, but believe me THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Do things that will take your mind off of it. Go for a walk, wear soft clothing, stretch, read, take a bath, go to work, make some tea. Yes, take your meds but don’t overwhelm your system.❤️⚡️
Step 1 be kind to yourself & GET YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM UP. Your body wants to be well. Give it the space to do so.🌿
Minimizing stress & trusting your body to heal itself is #1. Get back in touch with your Self & intuition. What’s your body trying to tell you?🤔
Try and keep your foods mostly healthy. Limit processed foods & sugar. Stay hydrated. Eat your greens.🌿
I would suggest not to use all of these at once. Try one at a time and see what works. If you have too many variables going on you won’t know what’s working and what isn’t.💁🏼♀️
Herpes is a virus so anything anti-viral is good.🌈
TOPICAL TREATMENT: DoTerra or Young Living are amazing PURE essential oil brands. Tea tree oil (can also be taken orally) lemon balm (can also be taken orally), baking soda with a couple drops of water for pulling out fluid from the site. All has helped at one point. Apply a drop or two of TT or LB 1-3x per day. Leave it be the rest of the time.⭐️
IMMUNE SUPPORT: Lysine (have this in your cabinet always), Elderberry, OnGuard by DoTerra, B Vitamins (have a direct impact on energy levels, cell metabolism & over all health), Vitamin D & Magnesium (aid in many cellular functions). I recently started using Propolis. Will do a separate post all about bee products if you guys want to hear about it!🐝
OTHER SUPPS: I’ve been having amazing results w/ Balance by @alaninutrition.🧡
PAIN RELIEF: Ibuprofen or Aleve if you can take those. A hot or cold compress, but not for too long as the cold can slow healing & leave scarring. We want warm & dry places for healing.☀️
TRY TO MINIMIZE: stress, excess alcohol and too many late nights in a row, foods high in Arginine (i.e. almonds, peanuts, coconut meat). Lysine may counteract Arginine so if I’m feeling like some PB & chocolate I take some Lysine before.💪🏼
My Stripping Bio
💸MY STRIPPING BIO💸
The Breakdown:
WHEN: I started in 2012, two weeks after I turned 21. Before I had worked in the food industry & had several office jobs.
WHERE: Wild Orchid (now is Spearmint Rhino), Rouge, Jiggles (closed), Sassy’s & Lucky Devil. I live in Portland, OR where there are more strip clubs per capita than anywhere else in the world.
WHY: I was intrigued. It seemed fun & almost glamorous. I knew some women who did it, my desk job was unfulfilling & I was making just enough to get by. I’ve always been a ham & entertaining so, why not?!
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I remember my first night I was so nervous! There was a performer named Sassy Cassie at the club. She was 3’ tall! It was crazy! I made $300 my first night.👏🏼
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For 5 years I danced at Sassy’s. That club gets packed on the weekends. Dancing on a stage in a crowded club, everyone smiling from ear to ear, feeling the music & those energy exchanges - it’s one of the most exhilarating & empowering feelings, am I right ladies?!🤩
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I LOVE THIS LIFE!💖
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It allowed me to travel & be financially independent at a young age & I’ve met some of my best friends through it. That’s not to say there aren’t negative experiences, every job comes with its negative aspects, but this one has a big bouncer.
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FIGHTING STIGMA: People’s usual reaction is, “You’re a stripper?!” Yes, a seemingly-normal person dances! There are levels to dancing & sex work. Everyone has different boundaries, styles, body types, etc. Some clubs allow touching while others do not. Respect the dancers & the art, tip well & have fun!
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Strippers are people too. We are hardworking students, healers, educators, sisters, comedians, business owners, artists & entertainers who are proud of what we do. I’m grateful to live in a place where this isn’t entirely taboo. My family is aware. I’m proud of what I do. This is me bringing my two worlds together to tell you - do you boo & don’t let anyone put you down for being your true, multi-faceted self!
What Does It Mean to be "Sex Positive?"
To me, “Sex Positive” simply put means, freedom of sexual expression, communication & exploration without fear of judgement or shame.
It welcomes (but is not limited to) all genders, identities, kinks & sexual history.
Furthermore, it is expression of concepts such as desire, passion & self love circled around the healing powers of natural human sexuality (expression). It is not limited to penetration & physical sex. It is much bigger than that. It is self-awareness.
Sex Positivity is a movement like Body Positivity that can open portals to self-love. Liberating the suppression of the Divine Feminine that has been coated in damaging thoughts of not being ‘good enough’, shit like slut shaming & denial of pleasure. With Sex Positivity we can break down walls, promote safety & comfort in ones own skin by getting to know who we are, what we like & owning all of it.
Sex Positivity can be fun & it can be hard work. It’s shadow work, working through past adversity or trauma. It’s mind opening & barrier breaking. It can be polarizing & bonding. It can be scary & liberating.
Lastly, #sexposi means not letting fear or shame deter us from being our true Self. Taking back words like slut, whore, stripper, herpes, anything that’s been given a negative shadow, humanizing it & shining a bright ass light on it. Your story is more common than you think.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been called a slut… Raise your hand if you’ve ever had an STI… I’m raising both of my hands. Hi! lol
Sex is natural, healthy, fun, playful & can be a safe space to feel into passionate healing. However, it is not without consequence & responsibility. We all take a risk as sexual human beings. We share a piece of ourselves with everyone we lay with. Reminder to honor yourself & each other’s boundaries while exploring.
Currently, this journey has been about education & empowerment. Knowing the difference between the Vagina & the Vulva, versed on STI Culture, topics like Period Poverty, Disclosing practices. The more I know, the more I realize I don’t know. My learning is never done!
Remember - on the other side of fear is freedom. You will attracted the energy you put out. Be the changeeee.
My 1st Peyote Ceremony Experience
First I want to mention how serendipitous it all happened. We didn’t go looking for it, it found us. It all happened in Tulum, Mexico. . .
On the first day of the trip my friend & I rented bikes & road into the town strip of Tulum. On our way back I saw a hut that said “Superfoods” naturally we stopped in. There we met a lovely group of people. The man who owns & runs the spot, his coworkers & a group of friends who were visiting.
We ended up hanging out into the evening, smoked some weed & drank mezcal as they passed around a ukulele, singing & dancing in our seats. We exchanged numbers & later got a text invite to a Peyote Ceremony they had planned for the following night. They have a Mayan Elder & Medicine Woman who facilitates the medicine & ceremonies for them. We were told it was mellow & chill, but an all night event into the morning. No sleep.
At first I thought, thaaat seems super intense. It’s easier to say no to something you feel will drastically pull you out of your comfort zone, but the group was so kind & it started to feel like a funnel of events directed us to do it.
The next day, we head out to explore the Tulum ruins when we get a text from our hotel host that we actually didn’t have a room reserved for that night & had to pack up. We didn’t stress for a minute & it was decided for us to do the ceremony. Conveniently we wouldn’t need a place, since we’d be out all night.
Around 7pm we got back to the Superfood spot, showered & began mentally preparing for the ceremony. Several had done it multiple times while it was a shared first for the rest of us. Honestly, I was nervous. A quick google describes Peyote as, “An intense hallucinogen people take to see God.” It comes from a cactus flower. Sacred, ancient plant medicine used to liberate the Self & enhance Awareness. I was worried my headspace would make for a stressful trip but don’t worry, my experience was very peaceful.
We were told to bring fruit as an offering to Abuelo Peyote that would take in the energy & we would eat post ceremony + a candle to represent our intention. There were 12 of us in the jungle, sitting on the ground a top yoga mats & blankets around a fire.
The Medicine Woman begins to explain that we’re all in this together. It’s important that no one leaves the circle & that all of our energy is going to play a role in our collective experience, “If you need to cry, you can do it here. If you need to laugh, sing, dance, you can do it here. If you feel like you need to vomit, try to control it & resist. If you do throw up, the medicine will go into your head & you won’t have a good time.”
No pressure.
The Mayan Elder begins to speak in Spanish, explaining the work that we’re about to do. How it is for the greater good of human kind & Pacha Mama (Mother Earth). We’re asked to decide on an intention for the ceremony & handed a thread to confess our sins into & threw into the fire with a pinch of tobacco.
After we spoke our intention into our candle we lit it & it stayed lit in front of us for the whole ceremony. She begins passing out the medicine. Scooping out a spoonful of dust into our palms. She tells us we don’t get any water to wash it down & to take our time with it.
It wasn’t as bitter or tough to get down as I thought it would be. I was expecting a tea. Later I was told the process we did it in is the OG Mayan way. We were given pieces of raw cacao to “wash” it down.
It didn’t come on strong, but gradual. I didn’t feel high. I felt at total & complete peace & ease, homeostasis. Super aware & present. My mind was super clear with no audible thought.
They began playing music, singing & chanting. In the circle there was a guitar, a few drums & maracas. Of course I didn’t know any of the Spanish songs. Until they started to sing my favorite Sanskrit mantra. I have it tattooed on my leg from my trip to Costa Rica in 2018.
“Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu” it means, may all beings be free, may all beings be happy & may my thoughts & actions contribute to that. Singing mantra is a powerful tool, especially when incorporated with ancient plant medicine. I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt.
Most people don’t know this, but growing up I loved to sing. At 14 my school could only afford to send 1 kid to State, and I was picked.
At 16 I chose a challenging song to sing in front of my family & student body for a Choir concert. II didn’t practice as much as I should have & I choked. It was never easy for me to sing in front of people. There I was on stage by myself. I lost the note and couldn’t get it back due to my shaky voice, trying to hold back tears. I turned off the mic & held it at my side while the music played on. I ran back stage, tears flowing as my choir peers hugged me. That was the last year I sang in choir.
So when the ease & comfort of the peyote set in, with everyone singing together & alone. Taking turns with the drum. I was inspired. I knew one other mantra “Ong namo guru dev namo” meaning “I bow to the wisdom within, I call on the Divine teacher within.”
I turned to my friend beside me, pointed at the drum & asked, “May I?” “Please!” he said. I gently started tapping on the drum & began singing as other joined in. It was amazing!
It was a very freeing, happy moment. It felt really good to sing for & with people again.
For over 12 hours we laughed & danced & sang & looked up at the full moon & stars. Periodically laying on the ground to close my eyes.
As the night went on I laid down to close my eyes for what felt like a just moment when a friend tapped me & said, “It’s time for the blessing,” the Mayan Elder had a kind of leather tool/wand instrument with feathers hanging from it, dipped in what I’m guessing was a kind of holy water. I sat cross legged as he waved it around me & knighted the tops of my shoulders & head.
The sun started to rise & the fruit, soup & beans began getting passed around.
The time came to close the ceremony. We all hugged & discussed our experiences in short. As the Medicine Woman hugged me she said, “You’re voice is amazing. I wish I could hear it more.” Superfoods man sent me off with an life changing elixir that morning of freshly squeezed orange juice, wheat grass & spirulina. As I chugged it I felt it fill every cell.
What is Sound Healing?
Before there was light there was sound. The hum of the Universe is “om.”
I first experienced sound healing in Costa Rica during my Yoga Teacher Training in February 2017. My Teacher sang mantra with her harmonium. It opened my perspective to the healing power of sound.
I am drawn to crystal singing bowls. Each bowl has a tone & each tone calls to a certain chakra. The healing power comes from its vibration. The vibration realigns, tunes & charges its partnered chakra.
The vibration calms your brain waves, eases breathe & tension, effecting every cell in your body.
Here I am playing my two favorites:
⚛️C Note for Root Chakra
⚛️F Note for Heart Chakra
Our Root Chakra is our foundational chakra for grounding, stability, direction & guidance. When it is out of alignment we can feel anxious & nervous. When it is overactive we can feel stuck & stagnant.
Our Heart Chakra is where our love & compassion lives. When it is out of alignment we can feel heartache, not able to let things go & disconnect from love.
Send me an e-mail me for sliding scale rates on In-home or Zoom call Guided Meditation & Sound Baths.
My Transition from Stripping to Personal Training & back!
I’ll be honest, my transition from full time stripper to working at 24 Hour Fitness almost 3 years ago, wasn’t as smooth as I thought it’d be.
Quick back story, I’ve been dancing since 2012. Around 2015 my family found out. I had wanted to tell them, but I didn’t know how. They weren’t happy about it, words were said, but over time I like to think they noticed there wasn’t any change in my presence & stripping isn’t all that bad. I was able to pay my bills, travel & provide for myself in a way most young adults my age could not. I was like any “normal” 21-24 year old, trying to figure it out, in my party phase. Of course once they were in the loop, I was often asked what my plan was for next steps.
I was super happy at my job. I loved it! I also understood I couldn’t do it forever & having a plan is never a bad idea. I decided on Personal Training! Fitness & health are HUGE umbrellas with a lot of different avenues to specialize in.
Along with my struggle with HSV outbreaks, I had to give my body a rest. Work was becoming uncomfortable as you could imagine. Partying took a back seat & I went back to school to get my National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) Certificate. I went part time (2x a week) for a year while continuing to dance full time.
After I got my cert it was time to find a job & I started at 24 Hour Fitness. I hadn’t had a boss in so long that when I was told I had to work full time I agreed & BOOM I stopped dancing. It was a shock to my social circle, my wallet & my life. I had been dancing at Sassy’s for over five years, going to work every week & seeing my girls. I never got a proper send off. I just kinda fell off & I still feel a little sad about that.
Some people don’t understand the level of support & love that comes w/ this industry. It’s more than a job, it’s a sisterhood. Since starting my Personal Training business almost 2 years ago, I started dancing again just once a week, filling up my stripper cup. It’s the perfect balance for me.
I’m stoked to bring my 2 worlds together w/ Twisted Stripper™️ & create another space to gather, grow & support each other.
Twisted Stripper is a six week series starting October 21st through December 2nd.
* Drop-ins available week 1-3 ONLY * LIMITED 12 SPOTS per six weeks *
Focusing on lengthening the dominant side of your body & strengthening the non dominant side.
“UN-TWISTING” the spine by rotating opposite the dominant direction that is currently being done during pole tricks. Treating muscle imbalances due to tricks done single sided and repetitively; low back pain due to walking in heels, anterior pelvic tilt due to sticking the booty back & chest up, rib flair, shoulder pain and tight hips.
Achieving all of this by enhancing body awareness, relieving low back pain with yoga, mobility and strengthening the core & glutes, educating proper lifting to execute tricks with a prehab approach. Thus moving with more confidence & ease and enhancing career longevity!
Bringing in Dr. Courtney Khalsa Chiropractics to assess and address rib flair, symptoms in relation to its indication for functional or structural immobility in the thoracic spine, muscular imbalance in the core and pelvic girdle. Taking us on a deeper dive into the “Why” behind each movement.
FOCUSES
Spine Health & Mobility
Low Back Stretching & Releasing
Core Strengthening & Conditioning
Booty Building & Strengthening
Hip Health & Mobility
Chest Openers
Shoulder Stability & Strength
CLASS LAY OUT
Level 1: Prehab (75 min class)
(10 min) Kundalini Mindfulness Meditation
Breath work
Body scan for tension / discomfort
(20 min) Spinal “Untwisting”
Spine Mobility
Chest Openers
Shoulder Mobility
(20 min) Core Strength & Conditioning
(20 min) Booty Building
(5 min) Cool down
Don't Fight It, Face it!
People ask me, “How do you stay so positive all of the time?” Truth is - I don’t! It’s not possible to be positive all of the time, and that’s ok.
I use to push through and tell myself “Everything happens for a reason!” or “There is power in positivity!” both are true BUT if you ignore those other feelings they will come back ten fold.
All of our feelings are valid and deserve a seat at the table. Digging deeper and asking yourself Why is a healthier way to manage then by putting on a fake smile or forcing everyone around you to suffer.
When I’m having a bad day I’ll invite the feelings in and nurture them, make myself a hot coffee or tea, put on some chill happy music (anything by Joey Pecoraro) stretch, watch a Disney movie or Bob’s Burgers, do some Yoga, eat some chocolate.
Have some alone time or open up to a close friend or a professional. Talk therapy is an amazing tool that not enough of us take advantage of.
Vitamin B12 can be a big help for mood & energy. I take a supplement everyday. You can also get it from Almond, soy or hemp milk, tuna, salmon, beef, eggs, & nutritional yeast.
DRINK WATER - when’s the last time you drank a big glass of water? In a study by Colleen Muñoz done with 120 individuals, the individuals who drank more water had lower scores of tension, depression & confusion. The study concluded - the greater the water consumption the better the mood.
How much water should we drink a day? In general you should drink between 1/2 an oz. and an oz. of water per lb. of body weight. Multiply your weight x .67 to get your dosage.
Get out in nature! Go to the beach, the woods, the mountains.
All in all, everyday isn’t going to be a good one and every bad day isn’t going to last forever. Love yourself through out; have patience with yourself and your feelings. We got this! Don’t fight it, face it!